And yet again...

Since I am new to this blogging thing - I am assuming it is all like writing in a diary only with eyes...I guess for that reason I need to be careful what I say but I still want to be honest...

This has been a week of sand paper people, as my friend Sash says...and you know that is the best visual for it. It seems harsh... and although this person isn't always sand paper...sometimes they are fine and sometimes harsh sandpaper but it happens enough that this visual fits very nicely. This week I had many opportunities with someone that rubs a bit rough on me at times and has left scars over the years but I need them in my life so badly. I am thankful to report though that we are on a road of recovery. I am speaking up to the hurts that come out of their mouth and we have ventured on a mutual journey to doing things differently, catching those things that hurt when they hurt and finding new ways to express ourselves towards each other. It will be a long and uncomfortable at times journey ... but well worth it! So there is hope there!

And now just this morning from a different piece of sand paper...I feel as though my heart has broken and a seed of bitterness has rooted...I can't let it but I feel it at the moment. Lord, help me. Honesty - is important to most people. It is the very fabric of my being. It is almost impossible for me to lie...even the few times I have tried I tell on myself almost instantly.
I grew up with my charmer birth father leaving me early. Every word was a promise that was ALWAYS broken. I learned early that he is not to be trusted and the toll that has taken on me is big and the mark on my very being is raw to this day.

So when I have people in my life and specifically this person...say or do something that even comes close to my father...well, that is what has happened in a BIG way today. I feel as though I cannot recover, we cannot recover - yet I know I MUST. I MUST forgive. Forgiveness...the salve that heals the broken heart.

Laura